Friday, January 4, 2013

I remember now....

There are days when I go looking for a memory that seems to have disappeared. I look in all the usual places. I slam mental drawers and I throw small little tantrums. Silent ones. I scream (on the inside) and sulk (on the outside) whilst examining all the crevices and cracks I may have overlooked. I move furniture, I huff and I puff.

There are days when I stumble upon a memory I never even knew went missing. I stare in disbelief. I frown and then smile. Like a long lost friend, I try and make sense of the differences that my newer (older) perspective gives me. Why did this memory become dusty, cobwebbed and unfamiliar?

There are days when I relive a memory as though time travel really existed. I'm there. I can smell it. I can taste it. I can feel it.  It's happening now.

There are days when it's all so real I cry the tears that were shed the first time.
There are days when it's all too hazy so I store it away for a clearer moment.

There are days when I'd swear time stood still and there are days when all I feel is the age I have become in contrast to the age I have clung to.

I look in the mirror at the little girl who is now allowed to wear what she pleases and issues her own curfew. The little girl stares back at me. Waiting.

I want to say to this little girl "remember everything" and yet I know that's not necessary.
One day (when she grows up) she'll find all the memories she was looking for.


13 comments:

Diana Studer said...

interesting collection of Eucalyptus bits, and a gem of writing!

Neesie said...

Beautiful writing and sentiment Angy,
I enjoyed your post...but then I always do. Your photos are a treat to the eyes!

By the way...I too am a little girl until I look in the mirror ;D
♥x♥x

Aphaiawyn said...

This is beautiful writing, I love it. Thank you for the comment on my blog, and thank you for sharing this piece with us. <3

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Such beautiful writing! I love your blog.

ellen said...

These are beautiful images..and yes, damn..so many memories that are hidden..but do come up with such powerful emotions. Some not so good, but hopefully many that are wonderful.
I do spend time trying to love and respect that little person I was..she is still here, tho. old. I do look in the mirror and want to love the small one who is still me, but sometimes gone......AND that helps me to love the old one who is here.
I think that perhaps I am not making much sense, tho. I do hope so. Sending love.
p.s. Cherish who you were and who you are..especially who you were. Hold that little person and give her love..love and love. xoxo

Lucille said...

So pretty.

In My Wild Eden said...

Oh Angy! This is my favorite post of yours so far. You expressed your feelings (and mine too) so perfectly and beautifully. I am so glad you wrote it and shared it. And your pictures are amazing. Wonderful post!

cara said...

What beautiful photos. The writing's rather lovely too.

terlee said...

Your words and your photos...wonderful.

JB said...

Thank You. You are a beautiful writer, and an even more beautiful little girl! Mwa

belleandboo said...

That is so beautiful, I some times wonder how this little girl is about to turn 40?!

Leanne Doble said...

Beautiful Ange, you have a talent with the written word and your images and so still and reflective. Like a memory or thought that needs to be archived.

Dilys said...

Your photos are so . . . unique, such a variety of subjects, and I love how you put such delicate leaves with the rough acorns! Like the contrast between the girl I am inside and the old lady I am outside, sometimes seeing images like yours makes them actually come together for awhile! All those memories . . .