The complications of loving you (Mary Oliver & I)

“from the complications of loving you i think there is no end or return. no answer, no coming out of it. which is the only way to love, isn't it? this isn't a playground, this is earth, our heaven, for a while. therefore i have given precedence to all my sudden, sullen, dark moods that hold you in the center of my world. and i say to my body: grow thinner still. and i say to my fingers, type me a pretty song. and i say to my heart: rave on.” 
― Mary Oliver, Thirst

{this business of romance and dating and falling in love and getting hitched

and making babies and birthing babies and loving babies and adopting babies 

and tending to babies and fretting over sick babies and reconnecting with partners and 

booking in date nights and returning to family roots and making friends and relying on friends

and needing mothers and needing fathers and needing love and giving love and giving love

and giving love and getting love and getting love and giving love and getting love

anyone else exhausted?

then replenished again buy the promise of that 

heady euphoria when children say to you

(out of the blue and unsolicited by chocolate or cookies or another such sweet treat)

"I love you"}

“When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. 

When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument. 

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.” 
― Mary Oliver

{my son is 16

he's a young man now

i turned around and he shifted

it felt sudden but it was not

it was more of an epic moment viewed in slow motion

cinematic, heart wrenching  - soundtrack included.

“to live in this world

you must be able
to do three things
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go” 
― Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems, Vol. 1

{i'm baffled about the future

i keep wondering who he'll fall in love with

have babies with

travel with

argue with}

“Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?” 
― Mary Oliver

{i have been blessed with  the kind of love you find

in  a Nicholas Sparks novel - too good to be true 

happy endings all day long

tear jerking moments all day long}

“Sometimes I need
only to stand
wherever I am 
to be blessed.” 
― Mary Oliver, Evidence: Poems

{i have no frigging idea what I've done to deserve this love

truly I don't}

“Ten times a day something happens to me like this - some strengthening throb of amazement - some good sweet empathic ping and swell. This is the first, the wildest and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.” 
― Mary Oliver

{my tribe are super heroic 

(and both deserve medals in patience and forgiveness)

my tribe help me see the world they way Mary Oliver does}

“Oh Lord of melons, of mercy, though I am not ready, nor worthy, I am climbing towards you.” 
― Mary Oliver, Thirst

What does it mean when you belong to someone?

If you call me up, I'll say a few words

But I'll try not to speak too long

Please to be kind and I'll try to explain

I'll probably get it all wrong

What does it mean when you promise someone?

That no matter how hard or whatever may come

It means that I won't give in

Won't give in, won't give in

'Cause everyone I love is here

Play it once, disappear

Once in a while I return to the fold

With people I call my own

Even if time is just a flicker of light

And we all have to die alone

What does it mean when you belong to someone?

When you're born with a name, when you carry it on

It means that I won't give in

Won't give in, won't give in

'Cause everyone I love is here

All at once, I’ll show you how to get real

Come on now, come on now, can you feel it, I can see it in you

Come on now, come on now, reveal it, turn around won't you

The right time, the right place, right now, turn around

A chance is made, a chance is lost

I carry myself to the edge of the earth

It means that I won't give in

Won't give in, won't give in

'Cause everyone I love is here

Say it once, just say it and disappear

(Finn Brothers)

************

I've been away for a while

(and that's ok)

It's been a tough few months but I can see the sunshine now

There's been death and sickness and arguing and ugliness

There's also been a lot of love

That sticky glue that wont come off...

... traces of it everywhere - the aftermath of what it means to

love fiercely, ruthlessly and patiently

I'm in awe of this glue

This substance that stitches the human race together

Quilting us into a pattern that cannot be traced back to its' origins

My family astound me with their capacity to heal

They inspire me and give me reason to keep on keeping on

Even when I'm not sure what the heck it is I'm actually doing

That restless heart beats within all of us

It's the Yin that sways back to the Yang

It's the down to show you which way's up

It feels good to be back 

♥

I'd like to dedicate this post to my brother

Ryan...

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Land of the Free… Home of the Brave

Washington DC

When Francis Scott Key penned those words he was not vacationing with family and staying in luxury hotels. Quite the opposite. He was inspired by the nation's flag flying victoriously after the Battle of Fort McHenry in the War of 1812. A flag not yet as iconic as it was destined to become, and words that were not yet as well recognised as they are today. My trip to The United States of America has opened my eyes to much of it's history, it's spirit and it's breathtaking beauty. Forgive me peoples but an indulgent (oh so very indulgent) vacation calls for an indulgent blog post. So here goes…

The National Cherry Tree Festival

MoMa

Soho NYC

The Highline

Brooklyn NYC

New York - outer suburbs

Central Park

Central Park - the pond

Manhattan Brownstones

American Museum of Natural History 

NYC - fire escapes

Top of the Rock

Rockerfeller Center

Grand Central Station

The Waldorf Astoria

The Bellevue Mansions - Rhode Island

Harvard University,  Boston Massachusetts

The Washington Nationals - Nationals Park

Cookie Monster at the American History Smithsonian

Boston,  Massachusetts

Adirondacks overlooking Newport Harbour 

Newport Rhode Island

Salem Massachusetts

Kangamagus Highway

If only these images could convey the epic nature of a family vacation that maximised every waking second of every day. I have edited well beyond my level of comfort and I have decided to leave a few highlights out since they deserve a post of their own. What these images surely will convey is the impressive diversity in our experience. We enjoyed history, architecture, scenery, sports, food, tourist hot spots, "off the beaten track" gems, nature and last but not least *luxury accommodation. 

America you are fabulous. A land of contrast, contradiction, charm and diversity. Your history is impressive and sobering, your cities are bustling and vibrant, your hospitality is gracious and your food is um… how to put this politely… FULL ON! You do nothing by halves and you have the balls to prove it whenever given the chance. You are familiar through popular culture yet elusive in your history and politics. You stand up for that basic human right  - freedom - and you don't mind being ostentatious whenever the moment allows. You can be bright, bold and belligerent as well as calm, cooperative and clandestine. I have only scratched your surface and yet I feel full to the brim with inspiration and awe. Thank you. We will be back! 

Thank you to those who followed my adventures on Instagram. It was exciting to think that I was actually only a train or bus ride away from some of my favourite fellow bloggers. I felt utterly spoilt and quite emotional at times. My boys took such great care of me and watching them bond was an added bonus. Seeing the USA through the eyes of a teenager is quite an education let me tell you. We returned grateful for our spacious and sparsely populated city. We returned richer within our souls, inspired and if at all possible closer as a family. Travel imparts a treasure unlike any and for this experience we are truly grateful. This is not the last you'll be hearing about my EPIC adventure and for your patience I thank you in advance. Til then I'll stop nattering and leave you with one of my favourite  images …

 * can you imagine my reaction when Hubby and Young Prince take me to the Waldorf Astoria and pretend that we are only staying for a fancy high tea, only to surprise me by telling me that we are booked to stay there for the last week of our trip. The WALDORF ASTORIA!! Needless to say it was a fabulous treat and a memory I'll cherish forever. 

♥♥♥To both my dudes… Thank you guys. I love you to the moon and back. Always. ♥♥♥

PS - I still have to tell you about the Chelsea Flower District (swoon), the Mount Washington Hotel (swoon & faint) and The National Cherry Tree Festival (swoon, faint and drool)  and The Museum Of Modern Art (swoon, faint, drool and cuss) … like I said. EPIC.

Oh and one last thing… I've captioned & provided links to all but one photo. So that you can read and explore these amazing places as well. If I were to even try I'm sure my tongues would fall off. 

Hot… just so hot...

It's February which means it's hot. 

Well here in Perth, Australia anyway

I always catch myself wishing for a seasons change just about the time it ACTUALLY does start to change -  and I find that rather comforting - as though Mother Nature can sense that I'm at my wits end with the dust, the flies, the heat and the drought… she knows I need the cooler evenings, the promise of rain and ….eventually…. the crisp cool bite of an Autumn morning. 

I know a lot of people who hate Winter and consider it blasphemous that I want to bid Summer farewell  but I think people are born for certain seasons… it's written in their DNA and their chromosomes can't help but either thrive or recoil depending on the temperature outside…. is that a tad dramatic? 

Actually it is a bit dramatic but hey…. that's in my DNA too.

Hubby and I are facing a small crisis at the moment… you see we have people building next door to us

and they have had to carve up the land like a cake in order to accommodate the pad for their house.

Just to paint a picture here - Kalamunda (my town) is on a hill - which is basically a large rock.

So for about SIX weeks we've had a rock breaker & various other large diggers battering 

away at the ground filling the air with the finest orange dust and shaking my house to it's core.

It's been SH*T 

So we keep running away to the sea, the city, friends… anywhere basically to escape the madness.

I do need to add that they are THE NICEST neighbours anyone could wish for which makes hating the situation all the more difficult ….we have no fence to keep the dog in, dust EVERY WHERE - and I 'aint exaggerating peoples (I can taste it in the air!) a patio that's uninhabitable, a feral cat that keeps spraying during the night and…. well …. its' just been a bit of a muchness really.

Buy hey… At least I have a house. At least there are belongings and items within that need dusting.

At least it's only dust (I've seen the flood damage in the UK… blessings to you all)

So as much as I'm letting off steam I do know in my heart that - as with all things - 

"This too shall pass"

In the meantime it's better to savour what one has rather than long for what is clearly lacking.

I have also been practicing meditation and Kundalini Yoga  - which I am 

sure (POSITIVE) has helped to keep me sane.

Couple that with tea, good books*, chocolate, work, movies and 

family and I'm pretty sure I'll survive what I'm now affectionately terming

 "The Desert Storm of 2014"

*(...anyone else loved Gone Girl? … Bloomindales!! I couldn't put it down!!

In a rather twisted way it made me feel like my "foibles and idiosyncrasies" are 

small fries compared to the likes of those two!!)

How are you all going?

Have you all enjoyed your Summer/Winter this year?

Are you ready for Easter Eggs?

(I only ask because they are sticking them on the shelves

already…. MADness)

What about great films, books?

I'm sooooo looking forward to seeing THIS

and I think I'd like to read THIS next  - I caught the 

RADIOLAB podcast about it and …Wowsers.

Well it's been a post about not much really

Apologies - people

I need to jazz it up I know

I have a backlog of controversial, interesting & debatable topics

I have a dozen or more recipes to share

I have at least a HUNDRED pins that I swoon over daily

I have craft ideas, I have new music love and I have

lots more boring beach shots… but for now I just wanted to say what

I've said and be done with it.

Have a super Wednesday, a fabulous Thursday and then a TRULY

wicked Friday peoples… it's Labour day weekend here so travel safe on the 

roads and hug your loved ones extra hard. Just do.

♥♥♥

A little more … a little less...

There's a rhythm in rush these days

Where the lights don't move and the colours don't fade

Leaves you empty with nothing but dreams

In a world gone shallow 

In a world gone lean

Sometimes there's things a man cannot know

Gears won't turn and the leaves won't grow

There's no place to run and no gasoline

Engine won't turn

And the train won't leave

I will stay with you tonight

Hold you close 'til the morning light

In the morning watch a new day rise

We'll do whatever just to stay alive

We'll do whatever just to stay alive 

Well the way I feel is the way I write 

It isn't like the thought of a man who lies

There is a truth and it's on our side

Dawn is coming

Open your eyes

Look into the sun as the new days rise

And I will wait for you tonight

You're here forever and you're by my side

I've been waiting all my life

I can hear your heart as it's keeping time

We'll do whatever just to stay alive

Dawn is coming open your eyes

Dawn is coming open your eyes

Dawn is coming open your eyes

(Music and words by Jose Gonzales)

*****

Happy New Year to all of you lovely wonderful people!

Welcome to new followers and thank you from my core

for taking the time to read my humble "secret garden"

I have yet to collect myself and begin with my own words

so I decided to let these inspiring lyrics say it for me

What I can say for sure though is this:

I'd like my now, my tomorrow and my forever to have just 

a little more play and little less doubt 

a little more hope and a little less stress

a little more fun and a little less pushing

a little more Yessss! and a little less Noooo!

Maybe if I can just tip the scales slightly

I'll slide in the right direction

You?

Your new year?

What would you like a little more of and a little less of?

♥♥♥