What does it mean when you belong to someone?

If you call me up, I'll say a few words

But I'll try not to speak too long

Please to be kind and I'll try to explain

I'll probably get it all wrong

What does it mean when you promise someone?

That no matter how hard or whatever may come

It means that I won't give in

Won't give in, won't give in

'Cause everyone I love is here

Play it once, disappear

Once in a while I return to the fold

With people I call my own

Even if time is just a flicker of light

And we all have to die alone

What does it mean when you belong to someone?

When you're born with a name, when you carry it on

It means that I won't give in

Won't give in, won't give in

'Cause everyone I love is here

All at once, I’ll show you how to get real

Come on now, come on now, can you feel it, I can see it in you

Come on now, come on now, reveal it, turn around won't you

The right time, the right place, right now, turn around

A chance is made, a chance is lost

I carry myself to the edge of the earth

It means that I won't give in

Won't give in, won't give in

'Cause everyone I love is here

Say it once, just say it and disappear

(Finn Brothers)

************

I've been away for a while

(and that's ok)

It's been a tough few months but I can see the sunshine now

There's been death and sickness and arguing and ugliness

There's also been a lot of love

That sticky glue that wont come off...

... traces of it everywhere - the aftermath of what it means to

love fiercely, ruthlessly and patiently

I'm in awe of this glue

This substance that stitches the human race together

Quilting us into a pattern that cannot be traced back to its' origins

My family astound me with their capacity to heal

They inspire me and give me reason to keep on keeping on

Even when I'm not sure what the heck it is I'm actually doing

That restless heart beats within all of us

It's the Yin that sways back to the Yang

It's the down to show you which way's up

It feels good to be back 

♥

I'd like to dedicate this post to my brother

Ryan...

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Adult tantrums, swearing and other such immaturities...

A beautiful lady gave me this pebble two weeks ago.

Ironically it was a lifeline - handed to a drowning woman.

You see I've been having a rough ... year.

I have toyed with the notion of confessing it all. 

Yelling it out at the top of my lungs.

Screaming, spitting, wailing and cussing.

Shameless in my pain.

So I sat down to do just that.

Air the dirtiest of stain ridden laundry.

Formulate witty prose relating to stress, anxiety, depression, moods, 

loss of optimism, loss of direction... blah blah blaaaaaaah.

Tonight the proverbial poop hit the oscillators when I 

arrived home from work to find a load of garden mulch had been

dumped in the wrong spot - crushing my Agapanthus and reticulation.

Like Mentos and Coke I reacted and the result was messy.

My son thought it was funny to hear me swear and my Husband

(who really does deserve some sort of marriage medal)

took the mood swing in his stride and made me tea....

... and smiled ...

... and continued to love me 

(in that really annoying way someone amazing does)

 which then made me feel even more un-loveable.

As the evening progressed my level of maturity digressed

until eventually it culminated in what I would best describe

as an adult tantrum - not all that different from a toddler tanty

(and a lot more embarrassing)

I've been sulking for a while now and of course it's had 

ZERO impact on whole situation and indeed it's left me

with nothing but a bitter taste in my mouth.

I thought perhaps if I sat down and try to write about my feelings

it might help to soothe my mood and release the anger.

Perhaps telling all my beautiful friends and readers that

I've had such a sucky six months - filled with anxiety and

self doubt. Tell you all that I've doubted myself more in the 

last three months than I have in my whole life.

 Confess that my mojo went walkabout and I'm frantic in the search

for just a shadow of my former self.

Take a deep breath and say - I've lost the plot.

It's been ugly and un-ladylike and quite frankly a

 complete frigging nightmare.

I've seen a doctor, a therapist and a naturopath.

I've had acupuncture, massage and meditation classes.

I'm on a low dose happy pill and I'm not happy about it ...

... an oxymoron if ever there was one.

I think deep down I've realised that my truth really 

is what will set me free.

It's a huge relief to fess up and say to people:

"Actually you know what - I can't.

Sorry but right now I just don't have what it takes"

I know it wont be forever.

My faith tells me that it's just a bump in the road.

Many have been here and lived to tell the tale.

The victorious, triumphant tale.

I will too.

For now though I think I'll just curl up foetal 

fashion and admit defeat.

I hope that when you read these words you 

are able to receive them in the way they were intended.

As a lifeline - much like the one offered to me by the lovely pebble pal.

This world of social media has us editing out a lot of the bull dust

and I'm not so sure that's always a good thing.

Inspiration has many many forms.

Sometimes we need to see a bit of struggle to know that

we're all in this together.

What I look forward to the most is sharing the silver lining with you too.

Thank you.

Strength - for you and for me.

xx

PS - in need of a little inspiration?

This beautiful lady danced me all the way to smiles and tears.

Enjoy...

http://youtu.be/so0J90qEdq0